I am kinky, I’m a feminist, and I’m submissive.
I’ve been kinky pretty much all my life; I first remember having kinky fantasies–of being tied up–when I was 9 years old.
I’ve been a feminist pretty much all my life too; from the time I was 4-5 years old I remember getting pissed that people seemed to think I shouldn’t be able to do certain things because I was a girl. Or that I should have to do other things because I was a girl. Or that they should be able to do things to/with me that I didn’t want, because I was a girl.
I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, and we’ve always been kinky together. He’s also always been dominant, which I fought and struggled against for a long time, despite actually enjoying and wanting it.
Part of my struggle in submitting was the feeling that I shouldn’t want to submit. I mean, I’m a feminist, fer chrissakes! Didn’t submitting, taking on the traditional female position, betray all that? All my own struggles, the struggles of the women before me, the struggles of the women of my own generation, had been to free me from subjugation. Right?
Suffice to say, it’s been a long process.
I finally gave in to my desires and offered my submission to him in 2001, willingly, although still a bit fearfully. As the years have passed our trust has grown, and the fearfulness and caution I felt in the beginning are gone.
What changed? I realized that submission is a choice. It is not because I, or my Husband/Master, feel that I am inferior to him. It is not because I am a doormat, because I don’t know my own mind, because I’m afraid of life, because I want to be abused, or because I feel that I don’t deserve any better. In all the rest of my life, I am a strong woman. I stand for social justice. I stand up for myself, other women, and anyone/thing else that needs advocacy.
And I am strong in my submission, too. I submit because I want to, not because I’m being forced. I submit because it fills a deep need in me, one which I never knew I had, and because it’s fucking hawt. But mostly, I submit because my Master is who he is. I have never kneeled to another man, and never will–only HE has earned my submission. I give it to him joyfully.